Good morning Top of the Table. Love it. If I were to ask you what your one job is, how would you answer that? You see, I believe that our one job is to be the best possible version of ourselves. And I don’t think I’m telling you anything new. I think a lot of you in this room have watched videos, listened to speakers and read stories about this.

But the challenge is, when you sit in front of a room of highly motivated, highly successful individuals who set goals and reached them, who climbed mountains, who run marathons, who race in fancy sports cars all around the world, how do you define the undefinable? How do you quantify the unquantifiable?

What I want to share with you in the next few minutes is a process that I took that all of you know and are aware of, that we implemented in our businesses, so that you might apply it in your own life. We’re going to go through a few of these points over the next minute.

Being the best possible version of yourself. It means that there are a few things that we have to agree upon. Number one, you have to be accountable to those who depend on you. It requires input and feedback from all the critical relationships in your life. And when I look at what a critical relationship is for me, it is one that, if it went wrong, it would personally hurt me. I would feel a loss. I would feel pain because I know I let them down. This requires continuous effort and commitment, but the journey will improve your life and the lives of those around you.

In the beginning, you have to be in the right mindset. You have to understand this is going to require examination from multiple angles. You have to have a clear understanding of what it is that you want to accomplish. It requires input from outside parties, which can be scary. It requires commitment of your own personal time of reflection. This is dynamic process and it will change. First you have to sit down and you have to focus on the roles that you fill.

Well, I sat down and these were some of the roles that I filled in my own personal life. Husband, father, leader, business owner, salesperson. Once I listed those out and identified them, then I asked, “Where do I learn how I’m needed?” This is a challenge. You have to identify those individuals in your life that you are accountable to. Your family, your friends, your clients, your employees. Seek first to understand. Communicate what you were trying to accomplish. Ask for their input on expectations and their needs.

My own personal belief in our lives, the cause of much frustration and angst is the un-realization of uncommunicated expectations. So, if you do this right, you’re going to have a group of individuals, a board of advisors if you will, who are going to provide you constructive feedback on how they need you in their lives. If you do this wrong, you could lose some friends and possibly a spouse or a partner. So be careful.

The next part is balance. Now that you’ve identified the areas of your life which matter through your critical relationships, you get to determine how much time and energy you spend in each one of those areas. This is completely personal. It will change over time. I’m a visual individual. I love colors. If you look at my calendar, it is colored coded so my team knows what’s an individual client, what’s a group client, whether it’s personal time, whether it’s volunteer time that I’m doing and with what organization. When I look at my calendar and I look at all the roles that I fill, I try to be sure that every one of those roles has a spot on my calendar so that I know I’m fulfilling the commitments that I’ve made to those individuals and organizations that mean the most to me.

Goalsetting. We love goalsetting. As high performers, we set goals. How many of you consult others when you’re setting your goals? Most of you, I’m sure, write down your goals. How many share them with your team? If you do, you do that to be held accountable. Right? To hold others in your organization accountable. How many of your personal goals are written down? More importantly, when was the last time you reviewed those? Have you ever shared them with your family members? Have you ever gone to your spouse, your partner, your children, your business partners and actually talked about what your personal goals were and have written them down?

So now, how do we get there? This is the easy part. This is what we know. This is essentially a one-page business plan. You review the list of expectations from your critical relationships. You identify those activities that are going to accomplish those. You can only choose a couple per quarter, maybe two or three per quarter in each area. You write down the activities and you implement your measurable action items. Your strategies and your tactics of how you’re going to meet your goal. And you share them. Then, you review, you refine and you continue this process.

And here’s the truth of what I’m going to find. I’m going to fail. We will fail. But even in failing to meet all of these goals each quarter, if I get even two of them, I’ve improved my life and more importantly the lives of those people I serve.

What I’ve found is, number one, mindset is everything. You’ve got to be selfish. You have to stay me-focused. As a lesson, this is not about providing feedback to your spouse or to your colleagues where they’re not meeting your expectations. This is focusing on how you can improve to meet theirs.

Clearly communicate your goals. Be as specific as you can. What I found is I listed myself as a leader but I failed to list out all the organizations and all the volunteer places that I serve as a leader. So I didn’t have enough time as I started this process for all of the commitments that I had. That was something I changed going into the second quarter.

Secondly, be ready to be surprised. This is amazing. I want to challenge you. How many of you have ever gone to your team and asked them what their expectations of you were? I have a young team and I was amazed at what they said. They said, “We expect you to put us in the best possible position to succeed. We expect you to help us develop.” Yes, that is exactly what I want to do. We are on the same page. Now we can start from here. We sit down each quarter and move forward on how we’re accomplishing that and how we’re helping them develop as individuals and professionals.

It was amazing with my children asking them what they expected out of their father. And what they needed. And it was also good for my marriage.

They say that happiness is a decision. I used to wake up every morning and look in the mirror and I’d say, “Today is going to be a good day. I’m going to make a sale. I’m going to be the best husband I can be. I’m going to be the best father I can be.” But life gets in the way. Right? You get rear-ended. That policy falls through. You lose a client.

But now, for me, happiness is no longer a choice. I know every morning when I get up I’m trying to work on the best possible version of myself. Happiness is no longer a choice. It is my baseline.

So, in your one job, becoming the best possible version of yourself, you have to start with the right mindset. You have to focus on the roles that you fill. Build your personal board. Determine that balance. Set your goals, identify and implement the activities and review them quarterly. And, most importantly, enjoy embarking on a more fulfilling life supporting those who depend on you.

Thank you.

Daniel Joseph O'Connell Sr., MBA is an 11-year MDRT member from Addison, Texas, with one Court of the Table and eight Top of the Table qualifications. He is the CEO of Next Level Insurance Agency. He has served on the NAIFA–Dallas board since 2013 and on the NAIFA–Texas board for the past two years.