Body language for the sales professional — I know what you are not saying.

Body language is both conscious and unconscious communication through movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are displayed. By paying attention to these details, any salesperson can acquire an advantage during a call.

I’m delighted to be given this opportunity to share in the areas of my expertise, which are body language, networking skills and physiognomy.

I come from the tiny island of Singapore and as you may remember that was the location chosen for the historic meeting between President Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un of North Korea.

Having the home-ground advantage, I was approached by many television stations as well as international newspapers for my comments about that event.

I’d like to start off today’s presentation with a little treat from the event. Many body language experts gave their commentary on that meeting, but I don’t remember any one of them making the following analysis, which I will be sharing with you now.

During the meeting between the two world leaders at the luxurious resort of Capella in Sentosa, the following footage was captured during the lunch break. [visual] As the two leaders went from their meeting room to the lunch area, President Donald Trump invited Kim Jong Un to have a look at his armored vehicle, also known as The Beast. This is a very significant gesture worth mentioning.

Imagine if you have a new colleague visiting your house, you would not immediately invite that new colleague into your bedroom, which is the most private part of your house. Most likely, the new colleague will remain in the living room or dining area of your house. Only your closest friends, whom you trust, would be allowed to enter your bedroom. So, for President Trump to allow his so-called adversary to pop his head into his vehicle and have a look, it shows that there has already been a significant warming of the relationship.

Interpreting such behaviors and body language allows us to know a bit more of what’s going on.

The other meeting that I was invited to comment on was the other historic meeting between Kim Jong Un of North Korea and President Moon of South Korea at the DMZ border between the two Koreas.

Many in the media repeatedly asked me why the two leaders held hands after meeting each other. [visual] In this instance, I emphasize that it is important to know the context of the body language that is being interpreted.

What happened during that important meeting between the two Korean leaders was this: Kim Jong Un of North Korea walked across to the southern side to meet President Moon Jae-in. Both leaders shook hands and exchanged salutations. After a brief exchange of greetings, the South Korean leader asked Kim Jong Un, “Now that you have come to the south, when can I go to North Korea?” Immediately without hesitation, Kim Jong Un grabbed hold of President Moon’s hand and said, “Right now!”

With that, he led President Moon across to the North Korean side. This gesture can be interpreted as a very significant and authentic gesture on the part of Kim Jong Un of North Korea, implying that he is very enthusiastic and interested in building a relationship with the South.

So with these two examples in place, I would like to start off today’s session hoping that I have excited you to be ready to get equipped with this special skill of reading body language.

Can anyone tell me if body language can be concealed? Yes? No? The truth is that both are correct because some body language can be hidden and concealed while some cannot. The gestures that cannot be concealed are involuntary movements. These include rapid blinking, the heart beating faster, perspiring, shivering, blushing and crying.

They do agree that involuntary gestures can be triggered through genuine stimulus. This includes pupils contracting and dilating. If a person is bored, the pupils contract. If a person is excited, the pupils dilate. So I say to you, if you see your agents behind their computer and their pupils are contracted, they are working. If you see them behind their computers and their pupils are dilating, they are watching porn.

My next question is, how accurate is body language? To a trained body-language practitioner, body language is a cutting-edge skill that helps read people and reveals thoughts that they are not saying.

It also helps any individual to be more aware of his or her own body language in terms of posture, speech and reaction during social encounters. In short, it can be very accurate to the trained practitioner.

First lesson: The power touch

Have you noticed that in the workplace, the superior may make a friendly touch onto his or her subordinate, but it is rare that the subordinate will reciprocate it in the same manner?

This is known as the “power touch,” where it seems like the superior has the right to handle the subordinate but not the other way around. This phenomenon is very useful if advisors are able to notice it when two clients enter the meeting room. How they both handle the ritual of entering the meeting room says a lot about who’s in charge. If the subordinate holds the door for his superior, he tends to do it with a slight bow and respectfully waits for his superior to enter. On the other hand, should the superior hold the door for his subordinate, you will very often see the superior guide his subordinate into the room with his free hand, often touching the back on the subordinate’s body.

From here the advisor will be able to know not only who’s in charge but also who the decision maker is and how he can direct his communication. Sometimes you will see a superior holding the door for his subordinate, but during the meeting, the subordinate might be the one who is dominating the conversation. This is because it is common for the superior to give the subordinate an opportunity to perform his position. However, the final critical decision-making might still come from the superior. In such an instance, you have the advantage with this information that you should also be including the superior in the conversation. This can be in the sense of eye contact, body language, facial expression and conversation.

How to learn basic body language in minutes

To make reading body language easy, one of the most basic principles is to categorize gestures into positive or negative domains. Positive body language includes open arms, walking forward, eyes opening wider and displaying more energy. Negative body language includes folding of arms, being tight-lipped, twisted smile, moving backward, and frowning.

During any sales meeting, an advisor will be able to sense if the sales meeting is going well or not simply by noticing the body gestures.

Second lesson: Let us try to retrieve information from clients who are less willing to share them

Throughout the presentation, I will be doing body-language demonstrations. And in this next section, I need a chair to play the role of customer and advisor.

I will show the various sitting postures of a customer when the customer is in:

• A neutral position.
• A positive position.
• An evaluating position.
• A defensive position.

And then I will show you how a customer looks when he or she is done listening to the sales presentation.

In this first slide, you see the customer in a neutral position and ready to listen to the advisor. [visual] If he finds your presentation interesting or intriguing, you will see his body leaning forward as if he wants to come closer to hear you better and not miss anything. This is the best body posture to have during a sales call.

But partway through the presentation, you see him move from a positive position to an evaluating position. He moves his hands and puts his fingers on his face. This means that he is beginning to evaluate certain conditions in your proposal. The good news is that you have not lost the case, but the bad news is that the body language is showing some negativity, and there is a lot of clarification and explaining to do to move this customer out of this evaluation position.

For example, your customer seems very interested in your proposal until you mentioned something like, “Mr. Customer, do you understand that because you are a smoker, we will have to levy a slight premium on your policy?” Since he cannot understand why he needs to pay more, he puts his finger on his face and begins to evaluate what you just said. At this juncture, you do not move on to the next point but instead backtrack and ask the customer if he feels that it is unfair that he needs to pay more. In almost all cases, the customer seeks a clarification on why he needs to pay a premium. That is when you take this great opportunity to clarify your position and win him back again. This technique helps to retrieve and clear up many unanswered questions.

Similarly, if you are presenting a sales proposal, you may notice that your customer suddenly shifts from a neutral position or positive position to a defensive position. He suddenly leans backward and folds his arms. His facial expression may be frowning or may show a twisted smile. This means that he has changed his emotional state. He has changed from a positive state to a defensive state. It is because you mentioned something that caused him to change his attitude toward the sales proposal. Do not proceed with the presentation because he has unanswered questions. Figure out what you have just said, and ask him if he has any reservations with that condition in the proposal. You need to clarify his doubts and queries before moving on with the presentation.

I am done listening to you

If you see your customer leaning back in his chair and placing both his arms behind his head, this means that he has already decided to stop listening to you and is highly unlikely to close the deal with you.

In such a case, you need to change your communication strategy and get him back into the conversation. You can use communication lines like, “Dear Mr. Customer, how can I make this sales proposal more attractive for you?” This will get him back into the conversation.

My next body language tip for you revolves around the tight smile. You may have noticed that when some people make eye contact with you, they do not give you a full-blown smile, but instead they give you a tight smile as indicated in the slide. [visual] What do you think this means?

From people who display such facial gestures, it means “I am friendly, but I am not sure if you are. If I know for sure that you are friendly, I will give you a full-blown smile.” When you meet such people, if you approach them and say hello, they will respond to you in a friendly manner. This is a great tip for advisors as they are constantly looking to expand their network.

Mirroring

Mirroring is a common technique known to salespeople where they follow the body language of the customer whom they are dealing with. For example, if the customer leans back onto his chair, the salesperson will follow accordingly. When the customer leans forward to communicate, the salesperson will reciprocate in the same manner.

Do you know about this technique? Hasn’t it occurred to you that your customer would have read about this technique too?

This isn’t really mirroring but more like mimicking. My suggestion is that you mirror the personality rather than the actions. For example, you meet a quiet and introverted customer; you then should mirror that personality. Likewise, if you are meeting with a more boisterous individual who speaks loudly, you will reciprocate with the same type of behavior. Once again, we do not mimic the actions, we mirror the personality. For example, the personality type could be an introvert, or it could be an extrovert. We do this because people like others who are like themselves.

Red flags and tells

In body language, the more red flags (sometimes called “tells”) you are able to spot, the more conclusive the readings are. Here is a list of red flags that you might like to take note of when you are speaking to an individual:

Body signals

• Not maintaining eye contact
• Contracted pupils
• Fewer body movements or more body movements
• Sometimes more self-touching
• Perspiration
• Flushed cheeks (when the conversation doesn’t warrant it)
• Increased blinking
• Hands to mouth, covering it or wiping/rubbing it
• Fingernail biting
• Fake cough
• Nose rub
• Eye rubbing or pretending something is in the eye
• Increased swallowing
• Unnecessary facial touching

During a conversation, when the candidate does one or more of the above signals during the stressful part of the conversation, it can be construed as a red flag. An example of a stressful conversation is when you ask your prospect probing questions such as, “Are you are smoker?” or “Do you have any existing illness?” He may display a nose rub or bite his nails or stop eye contact. This may mean that he is uncomfortable or has something to hide.

In such an instance, we will take note of the probing question that made him uneasy, and we will return to the question a little later just to confirm the hunch.

So, when you return to the same question and you see some similar nervous gesture, you can conclude that the person is being apprehensive over that subject.

Similarly, everything that has just been taught to you on how to read your client could similarly work against you if the client has the same ability to read you too. Therefore, be totally aware of your own body language when dealing with a prospect. Always know that any attempt to deceive the client can be picked up by the client. It is best to be an honest, authentic advisor because if you have nothing to hide, then there’s nothing to read.

Networking and charisma

Body language is used not only to detect deception; it can also be used as a useful tool to connect with others. In the following few minutes, I will share with you some useful tips on body language to connect and bond with anyone, anywhere.

Your smile

Your smile is a very powerful signal that you send to people saying, “I’m friendly and I’m approachable. You can talk to me if you wish to.” And while most advisors will know how to smile when they meet the prospect, being networking-ready means you carry a ready smile on your face all the time.

A smile does a lot in communication including reducing uncertainty. This means that people may want to talk to you, but an unfriendly face will tell them not to approach this person. This would be detrimental as the financial services business is all about reaching out to more people.

Just in case you have a less-than-friendly face in your relaxed position, there is a quick tip on how you can look friendly while not looking creepy. You have 43 facial muscles.

As we age, our facial muscles start to sag, and we look more unfriendly. Just by placing your teeth, while keeping your mouth shut, you pop up the muscle sets of the orbicularis and buccinator. [visual] This projects a faint smile that will send a subconscious signal to your prospect that you are friendly and approachable.

The approach

Meet people like they are your old, best friends.

I need all of you to recall the difference between meeting your old, best friends and your new business acquaintances. How different were the gestures? What was the difference?

The main difference is when you meet business acquaintances, you tend to be more formal in your tone of voice, body language and choice of words. But if you want to build relationships quickly, then the professional formality should soon dissipate and give way to a friendlier disposition between you and your prospect. In fact, I urge you to try meeting the new business acquaintance with the predisposition that you already know that person and he or she is your old, good friend. Notice how differently you sound and behave and how your body gestures are much different when you are formal and when you are being more personal. Let me demonstrate. [visual]

I received feedback from a financial planner from Singapore that after she learned this technique, she managed to close all cases on the subsequent 10 prospects.

The Mere Exposure Effect: The principal of meeting people for the second time

I’m sure many of you have been faced with uncomfortable responses from people whom you try to introduce to financial planning during a first meeting. They might have the impression that all you are interested in is selling your products and that you are not very interested in the actual individual.

As such, I would like to introduce to you the theory of the Mere Exposure Effect:

The earliest known research on the effect was conducted by Gustav Fechner in 1876. The effect was also documented by Edward B. Titchener and described as the glow of warmth one feels in the presence of something familiar.
wiwi.europa-uni.de/de/lehrstuhl/fine/mikro/bilder_und_pdf-dateien/WS0910/VLBehEconomics/Ausarbeitungen/MereExposure.pdf

This research proposes that people have a preference for something that they are familiar with. If you observe this principle during social encounters, then you will notice that people in a networking session tend to quickly first gravitate toward people they already know. They have a preference to meet with familiar people over unfamiliar people.

If you cleverly apply this principle in any social circumstances, this is what you can do. First, make eye contact to get noticed. You will only build a deeper connection during the second meeting.

Here is my story: During my recent trip to Sri Lanka, I had a good conversation with a local Sri Lankan on the plane. As we disembarked, we headed toward immigration. He noticed that I did not have an entry visa and quickly alerted me that I needed to apply for an entry visa. I told him that carrying a Singapore passport does not require me to have an entry visa. However, he insisted that I should have the visa, and he also asserted that he knows the immigration rules quite well.

I noticed that standing in front of me was a fellow female Singaporean who was carrying a Singapore passport. I stepped forward in her clear sight and lifted my Singapore passport and asked her politely, “As a fellow Singaporean, do we need a visa to enter Sri Lanka?”

She replied, “No, Singaporeans do not need a visa to enter Sri Lanka.” I thanked her and ended the conversation. I left her alone, and I continued my conversation with my new friend.

On passing through the immigration process, the local Sri Lankan man made his way out of the airport while I headed to the luggage carousel to retrieve my luggage.

On reaching the luggage carousel in this unfamiliar land full of strangers, there was only one familiar face around, and it was that of the fellow Singaporean lady I had met a few minutes ago. If there was anybody I would like to strike up a conversation with, it would be her.

As I moved toward her direction, we made eye contact again, and she gave me a gentle smile. That gave me permission to strike up another conversation with her. I stood a safe distance from her and asked, “Please may I ask you if it is true about what I heard, that we cannot find Sri Lankan currency in Singapore, and it can only be exchanged here at the airport?”

Because of this principle of second meetings, I was very certain she would respond to me amicably. She looked at me, gave a smile and replied cheekily, “Where I am going, I don’t need money.” When you hear such a response, you know that it’s an invitation for greater conversation. She was just waiting for me to ask her, “Where are you going?” And that is what I did.

She told me that she was going to the forest to recce for a team-building location. She was an events organizer. Wow! We instantly connected since we had a common topic of training and development. We had a good conversation.

Using this technique, financial advisors know that they can always build a strong relationship during the second meeting. If you know of a group of people whom you would be meeting frequently, then there is no urgent need to attempt to introduce your products during the first meeting. This would certainly scare them off. So instead, make a connection during the first meeting, and only during the second meeting do you start building a deeper relationship.

Let’s take another example — mothers going to a neighborhood playground. You notice that the same group of mothers frequents the same playground each day. Just make eye contact and smile during the first meeting to establish a simple connection. On a separate day, when you see the same mother and child, you can more easily strike up a conversation based on the principle that people prefer familiarity. From there, you do what you need to do.

Physiognomy and the modern science of epigenetics

In this final segment, I will introduce to you another amazing set of skills taken from the modern science of epigenetics. This area of study of physiognomy subscribes to the idea that you can review the thinking and behavior styles of your people.

Epigenetics dictates that, while the DNA of an individual remains the same throughout his lifetime, the genes of the individual will go through transformation. This means that how he feels, his outlook toward life, how he processes information, and his environment will all affect him. The first effect would change the way he looks and will also cast facial lines.

There are more than 100 variations to read from, but I have chosen the top four, which you can learn and use immediately and, I believe, will give you tremendous advantage.

1. Chin Sticking Out

People with such features tend to be a bit aggressive during an argument and would want to have the last say. When you meet such a person, and you find it difficult to rebut his arguments, know that it is almost impossible to do so. He would like to have the final say, and it is best that you do not go head on with such a prospect. Instead, try to create a rapport and avoid conversations that could end up in a disagreement.

2. Flat Chin

People with a straight, flat chin tend to be practical people who process information using mostly logic as compared to others with a round chin who will be more emotionally driven. These people tend to be left-brain and usually look at things mathematically. When looking at your proposal, they analyze it rationally. These are the type of people whom you need to satisfy the logic side of the brain. They want strong, logical arguments, so be well-prepared with data to convince their logical mind.

During such meetings, you will notice that they ask for a lot of facts and data. They are excited with analytical, mathematical calculations and lots of information. These are the people who might not require too much small talk.

3. Round Chin, Curved Eyebrows

Prospects with a round chin and curved eyebrows are naturally people-oriented. They are warm and friendly in nature, and they care about the feelings of others. These are emotional people and will react well to inspirational stories. You will do well talking to their right brain.

If you see such people, including during this conference, approach them and talk to them. They are likely to respond warmly.

4. Thin Lips (little or no lips showing)

People with physiognomy showing very thin or no lips tend to be cool and reserved. They talk a lot less than normal and tend to be deliberators. They take in information and process it carefully. They will not converse readily. That’s just the way they are.

When dealing with people with this feature, accept that they will be quieter than the other prospects you meet. Pace your speed (usually slower) so that this person will feel comfortable to jump into the conversation and ask questions or to give his or her opinion.

This is in line with the earlier principle of mirroring the personality.

With these tips on body language, networking and physiognomy, I believe that they will give you a tremendous advantage when you are out in the field.

It has been a privilege speaking to all of you MDRT qualifiers. You are the best among the rest. As a motivational speaker, my parting gift of advice to you is this: Ordinary people make ordinary income, and extraordinary people make extraordinary income. To be an extraordinary person, having a strong mindset isn’t enough. Having strong skill sets alone isn’t enough either. Always remember to grow both in tandem. Grow in terms of your strength of mind so that you believe that you are made for great things, but also grow in terms of skill sets so that it will complement your mindset.

And with that, I hope you enjoyed today’s sharing and that it will enhance your sales skill set.

Christian Chua is an international class business motivator with more than 19 years of professional speaking experience who incorporates good, clean humor in all his presentations. Chua has also authored seven successful books, including the popular “How to Be a Success Magnet” and “The Referability Factor.” As a body-language expert, he is regularly featured in various media including radio, television and the Internet to magazines and newspapers.