Recently I was flying to Orlando, Florida to give a speech. I came on the plane, found my seat and sat next to a woman who I would have described as a business executive. She looked the part — she had on a great business suit, and she had her laptop out – she was in business mode. I on the other hand was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops. I probably looked like I was heading to the beach or to Disneyworld.
As I sat down she started the conversation the way that most people would in that situation. She said, “Are you headed to Orlando for business or pleasure?” I said, “For business — how about for you?” and she said, “Business.”
Then she said, “What do you do?” I said, “I am a keynote speaker. I am speaking at an association conference tomorrow.” Then she looked me from head to toe and she asked me a very blunt question: “Why in the world would anyone hire you to speak to them?” I was kind of offended for a minute. Then I said, “Because I am amazing.”
She laughed, and we had a great conversation. I’m actually speaking for her company soon.
The reason I tell you that story is because I want to start with a really blunt question for you: Why in the world would anyone be influenced by you? Why would they choose to do business with you? Each of you are influencers, and as we learn to connect and communicate effectively we will be able to have more impact and stronger influence and we will see our businesses grow because of it.
Invest in people
The first idea is I want you to invest in your people.
Investing in people is paramount to building relationships, genuine connection and lasting influence. Who are you investing in? In business, in leadership, in personal relationships, are you investing in people?
When I say invest, my mind automatically thinks money, but investing in people is not about money. When you invest in people you invest time, energy, emotion, care, understanding, love, patience, interest, thought, friendship and concern.
I am not saying you have to do big, extravagant things for your prospects and clients, but those personal touches, where you go above and beyond, they stand out and will impact the connection and influence you have.
Because when you invest in people, they want to invest in you. It is human nature. It is actually referred to as the law of reciprocity.
One of my favorite studies was done by Robert Cialdini who was wanted to measure the law of reciprocity. It was November and he came up with a funny idea where he opened the phone book and chose 80 random names and sent them Christmas cards. Just 80 random Christmas cards. Guess how many people out of 80 sent Christmas cards back to a total stranger? 62! It is how we are wired.
Tell a great story
If you want to really make a connection then we need to talk about your communication, and one of the most important skills for you to master when it comes to your communication is the skill of storytelling.
People love stories. Stories inspire, stories motivate, and stories evoke emotion in people that causes them to respond, to take action, to adopt your ideas and buy your products.
When it comes to communication, most people are striving for perfection when we should be worried about connection. The interesting thing is that we forget the basis of human connection: People buy based on emotion. It means emotion creates connection, causes engagement, stimulates learning, solidifies memory and causes people to take action. That is why Peter Guber said, “Move your listeners’ hearts, and their feet and wallet will follow.”
The foundation for influential storytelling
The number one way to relive a story instead of just retelling it is to bring the audience into the story. There are three ways to do this:
- Place them in the scene.
If you were to retell a story, you might start by saying, “I was standing on my back porch one day.” But when you relive the story, you place the audience in the scene by saying, “If you had been standing with me on my back porch.” Do you see the difference? Here is another example. “Tom, if you had been sitting in my place during the interview, you would have been cracking up.” What does that do? It automatically places your listener in the scene, and it engages his mirror neurons in a way that he can start to relive the story.
- Create curiosity.
This is typically done at the beginning of the story. However, you can’t ask just any question. The question must be a you-focused question. Remember that as an influencer, your focus is on the audience.
People don’t care about your story unless it pertains to them. So when you say, “I want to tell you my story,” the audience is thinking, “Why? I don’t care about your story.” Instead you can use a you-focused question to step into their world. Then when you have them engaged, you can bring them into your world with your story.
Instead of saying, “I want to tell you my experience with goals,” I will use a you-focused question to open them up. I will say, “What stops you from achieving your goals?” If the response is procrastination, I can say, “I would guess we all have procrastinated at times. I know I have. In fact. . .” And I have a perfect segue into my story. We have to make it about them by creating curiosity.
- Reinforce relatability.
You do this by saying things such as, “Do you know what I mean?” “Have you ever felt that before?” or “I don’t know if this has happened to you.” If you bring the audience into the story by creating curiosity, then you want to keep them in the story by reinforcing relatability. It is an effective way to turn your presentation into a conversation, moving it from a monologue to a dialogue.
The blueprint
The model is struggle to solution. You hook them with the struggle, and you help them with the solution. If the struggle is relatable, then the solution will become credible. There is something about struggle, conflict and challenge — it hooks us emotionally. Think about it from a movie perspective. What if we went to a movie today and you were excited to see it because the previews made it look like the blockbuster of the year, but as you sat down and watched, it ends up being about a man with a perfect life? Everything works out. No challenges, no struggle. Everything is perfect. We would all leave and say, “That is the stupidest movie I’ve ever seen!”
Here is the problem: That is how we tell stories. In business we tell solution to solution stories that sound like this. We say, “You know what, we are great, and we’ve always been great and we will always be great and if you work with us it will be great.” Yikes!
What is engaging about that story? A story that is struggle to solution hooks them with the struggle and then helps them with the solution. It is the perfect model for life insurance.
Ty Bennett is the founder of Leadership Inc., a speaking and training company with a mission to empower individuals and organizations to challenge their status quo, cultivate exceptional relationships and compete in extraordinary ways. He’s changing lives — one leader at a time.
