More than a decade ago I was asked to give a speech about what it means to be a hero. I enthusiastically said yes to my client’s request. In 90 days, thousands of people would jam into a ballroom to hear MY speech about what it means to be a hero. The emotions washed over me in rapid succession. I was excited. I was honored. I was humbled. And, I WAS SCARED TO DEATH! What in the world had I done? What did I have to say about being a hero? I was completely and officially freaking out. So I did what I always do when I don’t know what to do. I went to my wife Lisa and asked for help. She is the most amazing person I know. Beautiful inside and out, and she has a way of making things better. She is one of my heroes.
Lisa knew I was overwhelmed. She took me by the hands and said, “Honey, you are overthinking this like you always do. When you are blessed to be on that stage, when you are blessed to be with those people, just tell them your story. Tell them about your life.” And as she said those words she kissed me on the cheek and said, “Honey, everyone feels better about their life once they’ve heard about yours.” Her words made me laugh. Heroes know how to remove stress and tension from others.
I looked at Lisa and said, “But how does my story help me talk about heroes?”
She said, “Let me put it to you this way: When you look in the mirror do you see yourself, or can you see all of the people who helped you become you? Do you see the people who helped you when you couldn’t help yourself? How about the ones who picked you up when life knocked you down? Do you see the ones who loved you when you were unlovable? Believe me, there’ve been lots of times.”
She said, “If you don’t see those faces you are missing the picture completely. You’re not a self-made man. You didn’t get here by yourself. You are the sum total and the byproduct of every single person who has shown up in your life. Some for a minute and some for a lifetime. Pouring the best of themselves into you – leaving you better than they found you. If you want to talk about heroes, Mr. Brown, you should start there.”
I went to the mirror and I stared at myself for an uncomfortable amount of time…and then my image began to fade. Standing all around me were the faces of the people who had influenced my life. The leaders, the mentors, friends, family, colleagues and strangers began to appear. The people who gave me things I didn’t have on my own. The people who shaped my thinking and helped move me from where I was to someplace better. That is what heroes do.
I grabbed my yellow notepad and found a clean sheet. I wrote one question across the top of the page. This one question has dominated my life for more than a decade:
What does a hero look like?
How do we define the people who show up in our lives and make us better? The ones who live, love and lead at a higher level?
I have asked thousands of people that one question. I’ve heard every answer you can imagine:
The hero conversation starts by honoring the men and woman serving in the armed forces for the nations of our world. The brave ones who protect us.
I heard about world changers. The likes of Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr and Mother Theresa.
I’ve heard about first responders. Doctors and nurses, the healers who put us back together when we are broken.
Moms and dads. Teachers and coaches. The list includes high performers in business, in sports and entertainment. Organizations like Apple, Amazon and Disney. The great ones who defy comparison and commodity. The ones we pull out of the pile and anoint them as being different and playing at a level that most people and organizations don’t even aspire to.
In every conversation about heroes a definition emerged. Every person defined heroes in this way: Heroes are ordinary people who do extraordinary things.
At first it made sense. Ordinary people doing extraordinary things. That’s how we’ve been conditioned to think about heroes and high performance. But after hearing that over and over again, I started to wonder. Is that really true? Is that really what’s going on? Or have we been conditioned to think about heroes in a dangerous way?
The truth is if you buy into the idea of ordinary people doing extraordinary things, you must first convince yourself that you are ordinary in the first place.
And nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, there was one more person I wanted to talk to and ask “What Does a HERO Look Like?”
It was the 10-year-old version of myself. I know if I could have gotten to that kid and asked him the question, the answer would have been without hesitation “A HERO looks like ME!”
We had a beautiful way of seeing the world when we were kids. When we were kids, not even the sky was the limit. We knew that we had something special. Born with talents, gifts and abilities as unique as our fingerprints. Designed to change the world, save the world and make an impact.
Then we grew up, and the process of becoming successful and more professional and more sophisticated began squeezing that child out of us.
As we endure the stress and pressures of life, our vision begins to narrow and we no longer see the world as it can be. Sadly we begin to see it as it is.
When I was a boy I had heroes. Superman. Batman. Wonder Woman. But of all my heroes…I wanted to be Superman.
I used to tie a bath towel around my neck and run through the house jumping off furniture, pretending to fly. It drove my mother crazy (and my wife doesn’t like it either).
I wanted to talk to that kid. I wanted to ask him one question: When did you forget how to fly?
Somewhere along the way we forget how to fly. We stop dreaming. Stop believing. Stop growing and stop achieving.
Have you forgotten how to fly? Have you forgotten how to use the powerful forces given to you at birth to shape your world and make a difference in the lives of others?
The true definition of a hero is not an ordinary person doing extraordinary things. In fact, it’s just the opposite.
The true definition of a hero is an extraordinary person who chooses not to be ordinary.
Heroes show up every single time with their extraordinary selves and pour them into the people they serve and serve with. Heroes in everyday life do four things that are different than everyone else:
- They help people with no strings attached. Reaching beyond what is required to do the remarkable.
- They create an exceptional experience for the people they serve. Every moment is showtime.
- They take 100% responsibility for their attitude, actions and results.
- And they see life through the lens of optimism.
Kevin Brown’s unconventional path to business and personal success has taught him that winning in business and in life requires anything but conventional thinking. With a street-wise aptitude and a never-quit attitude, he worked his way from the front lines in business to the executive boardroom. After a 30-year career in franchising, Brown decided to pursue his passion for bringing The Hero Effect message to as many people and organizations as possible. He is on a mission to help people and organizations embrace a simple philosophy that separates world-class organizations and high-performance people from everybody else.
