Daniel: We've been married for a little over 13 years. We have four kids; for one week we had four kids five and under, with no twins. That shows the balance and communication that you have to have.

We're not licensed therapists, but we do work with couples who are preparing to get married. That's something that I think has really helped us. It's been fun to really share our experiences as well. We want to just start a conversation about life management, and in reality I believe that balance transcends your daily schedule. It's peace of mind.

Balance is nothing more than a buzzword that we're taught and we ingrain into our culture. In reality, we don't even know what that means because it's not quantifiable. You can't say this is balance. It's something that's unique to each one of us, and it's something that you have to discover on your own as you go through your journey.

Why are we so concerned about balance? We see a lot of people at this meeting talking about balance. I feel like when we are thinking about balance, we're thinking about what it is that we owe. The duty to those people in our lives, the people that we care about, our family members, our staff, our children, our clients. We want to be sure that we're fulfilling those commitments.

Kate: Family is probably why a lot of you came into this room because you're trying to figure out how to work less. I think somebody said, how do you have it all and incorporate it? Having that best of intention, I found myself in this frantic frenzy trying to seek balance, which was the complete opposite of what I was trying to achieve.

It looked Instagramable on a paper calendar. I have a loving spouse, I have four beautiful children. I volunteer in their classrooms. I worked part-time, so I was a stay-at-home mom but a working mom, and I tried to take on positions with my church. While it looked wonderfully balanced, I thought it was kind of isolating.

I was trying to be this super person. I was trying to handle it all with some sort of poise and grace. What changed for me was Top of the Table last year.

I was listening to Danny's spiel about your one job. I'd listened to him do this same presentation a multitude of times, but this time I was finally in a great head space to accept it.

What I found was I needed to take advantage of the opportunity to control my current situation regardless of whatever circumstances were surrounding me. Life's going to happen, right? There's going to be wonderful moments. There's going to be not-so-wonderful moments. It's how we get through it and the attitude that we have in making a conscious choice that gets us through.

While I was trying to find balance, when I focused on my one job, I actually found something better. I found happiness. For me that was instrumental because I found out that we don't need to do more, wake up earlier, squeeze it all in before the children wake up, work harder. The solution is we have to shift our mindset. We have to follow our one purpose and align our actions so we find that happiness.

Daniel: I think that's it. When we fight and struggle for balance in our lives, it's, gosh, I just need to do more. I need to drive faster. I need to have shorter meetings. I know I'm getting pulled in a lot of different directions. That's what we're accustomed to and what society and our friends and colleagues and family members tell us. You really have to go beyond that. It sounds simple, but it's important to sit down and address your happiness. For your own mental clarity, for the people that are in your lives, the people that you rely on, the people that rely on you, and then how to accomplish the things that you need to do and ultimately to find that fulfillment despite all the directions that you're pulled in.          

So you have to take time as an individual and understand, how do you feel fulfilled? For me, fulfillment looks like making deep impacts in my family members, in the world, and in people that I may never meet. When are you most happiest? When do you find that joy? What are you ultimately working towards?

After that, just like any good advisor, doctor, lawyer, it's seek first to understand, then be understood. This means I actually had to go to people in my life, like Kate, and I had to listen. That's what we're paid as professionals to do is really to listen. Then you have to put first things first. You have to put somebody else's needs and expectations as your own personal goals, just like you set your professional goals. Then you have to go out there and work towards fulfillment. Fulfillment is not just going to come to you. You have to go out there and do it. It requires living a mindful and intentional life and being proactive in what it is that you want to accomplish.

When I sat down and I started going through this exercise, I listed out the roles of what I had, and what I was required to do in my life. Husband, father, mother, sibling, salesperson, business owner, leader, volunteer, MDRT member. You have to include your person as well, because you need to be mindful of your own mental and physical health. You can't possibly deliver to everybody else if you're not taking care of yourself as well. After finding those roles, it's identifying who relies on you.

I have four children. What is it that my children expect out of me? What are they relying on me for?

Kate: That was key, asking those people in your life, what do they expect of you? Because yes, one of my roles is to be a spouse, right? I am not going to meet expectations if I never talk to the person who has the expectations. You have to be able to communicate. You have to be able to talk to your kids. They want to be happy. That's what we want as parents. We want them to be happy. So you need to have conversations of what does a good mommy look like to you? What do you need from me? What would make you happier? And that's what helps align your choices throughout the day.

Kate O’Connell , after completing her master’s degree in learning therapy, transitioned from an elementary school teacher into a private practice working with children diagnosed with dyslexia. The mother of four children, she later transitioned again to a “do-it-all mom” as she helped launch her husband’s agency."

Daniel Joseph O'Connell Sr., MBA, is a 12-year MDRT member from Addison, Texas, with one Court of the Table and nine Top of the Table qualifications. He is the CEO of Next Level Insurance Agency. He has served on the NAIFA–Dallas board since 2013 and on the NAIFA–Texas board for the past two years.