When asked for my secret for success, I give one and only one answer: Success is created from doing the basics, to a high standard, consistently. Yet that’s tough to do because people forget what the basics are.

The best of the best, the elite performers, know exactly what to say, when to say it and how to make it count. They know the power of their word choices, and they get ready for them. They don’t find themselves in critical conversations lost for words nor do they find themselves leaving a conversation thinking, Why on earth did I say that?

The power of your words can be the difference between a client following your advice or choosing to do nothing. Yet in this environment, choosing the right words at the right time is difficult.

There are three critical ingredients that need to go into every complex conversation to allow you to be able to get your own way more often and come out on top.

First is curiosity. Behind curiosity, we are looking at empathy. And then following empathy, we are looking for a healthy dose of courage. These are the three ingredients that step into every complex conversation. Why those precise words, and why in that exact order?

Let’s start with curiosity. Have you ever had somebody show up in your world with what I call an “I know” attitude? The more certain they are of themselves or their position creates uncertainty in you. It creates friction in your opinion toward them. The irony is, if you show up with certainty, you create uncertainty in the other person.

So, what do we do? We show up with curiosity. Why? Because curiosity helps you understand their context. Why is context so important? Well, you have a huge amount of content. Content about products and services, content about the market, contenat about where you think somebody should go with their money. Yet content without context is merely noise, and the world is already noisy enough. We must always start a conversation by understanding their context first. In fact, this leads me toward what selling really is: It’s just earning the right to make a recommendation. What does that mean? It means you should never, ever invite somebody to do something unless you can say these words first: “because of the fact that you said.” “Because of the fact that you said blank is, for those reasons, why I’d recommend we do blank, blank and blank.” It means we have to earn the right to make a recommendation by understanding their context first.

The next ingredient is empathy. First, we must understand what I mean by empathy: to care about what the people you care about care about. Test it for a second. Look back in your sent emails. Be sure to read them from the point of view of the other person. Are you writing about your interests or theirs? Is the person you care about you or is the person you care about them?

In empathy, we are looking to be relatable. There is a button that exists inside the mind of everybody you are communicating with. It’s the button I call the “show-me-that-you-know-me” button. When you trigger the show-me-that-you-know-me button, it becomes you and them versus the problem, as opposed to you versus them, and what we do is trigger trust. Do you have anybody in your life who could ask you to do something reasonable? And when they ask you to do something reasonable, you’re like, “Well, yeah, sure, no worries.” And then you have other people in your life who could ask you to do the exact same thing, and you’re like, “Really? Why? Me? Now?” You have a dozen questions for them as to why you should or shouldn’t do that thing. What’s the difference between those two people? The difference is that the first person earned your trust. How did that person earn your trust? By being curious enough to understand your context, knowing your unique circumstances and having the empathy to be relatable, to see the world through your eyes.

The third ingredient is courage. I’m talking about the courage to ask. If you do not ask, then you do not get, or you do not know. Your success is in direct correlation to the quantity of quality asks that you make in your life. It is your ability to ask others for the information you are looking for, for the business you are looking for, for the intelligence that you are looking for that is going to help you achieve everything you are looking to achieve. Why? Because asking leads to action. Action becomes results.

Here’s the trouble, though. If you just run out into the world asking for what you want, then you are pushy. You’re rude. You’re obnoxious. You’re self-centered. Instead, you are prepared to start off curious, reach a position of empathy and then have the courage to ask. Look how everything changes. Now what you are is helpful, consultative, on the same side. And it’s you and them versus the problem, as opposed to you versus them.

There is another lesson in this. Who is the person who is in control of every conversation? It’s the person who’s asking the questions. I know what happens in your world. You get asked questions by your clients all the time. And when you are asked questions, you think, I know this one. Yet the person who is in control of the conversation is the one who is asking the questions — curious questions, empathetic questions, courageous questions. And this is what differentiates the best from the rest and why questions are so important.

Here’s a five-step process that will never go out of fashion: Ask questions. Questions create conversations. Conversations lead to relationships. In those relationships, you find opportunities. And those opportunities have the ability to become sales.

Who are the people you need to be asking more questions of? What are the conversations you need to dive into? Where do you have relationships that are untapped? Because that is the work of the masters. That is the work behind the work that results in achieving more of these, that gets you more of the outcome that you’re looking for.

The way you approach those conversations is critical too. When you were a child, did you ever think to yourself, When I grow up, I’d like to be a salesperson? Here are some words that would describe a stereotypical salesperson: “pushy,” “self-centered,” “slimy,” “greasy,” “used car.” If somebody used those words to describe you, how would that make you feel? I’m guessing it would make you feel less than perfect.

What if I asked you not to describe a stereotypical salesperson but instead to reach for words that would describe a professional salesperson? How do the adjectives change? Now you are thinking of different words. If somebody used those words to describe you, how would that make you feel? I’m guessing very different. In that example, I changed just one word. I changed “stereotypical” to “professional.” And when I changed one word, you changed all of the words.

What do I want you to take from that? Could it be possible that, in your crucial conversations, people don’t always see what you are saying? Instead, they see something different. And the impact of what they see impacts your results. If you are prepared to change your words, you can change your world. One more thing: Please stop counting your conversations. Instead, make more of your conversations count. Think, What can I do to ask more questions to control more conversations — curious questions, empathetic questions and courageous questions?

Take something from today’s session, put it into practice, and make it make a difference in your world.

Phil M. Jones entered the business world at age 14. He went from single-handedly washing cars on weekends to hiring a fleet of friends working on his behalf, resulting in him earning more than his teachers by the time he was 15. After several years of being one of the most in-demand young sales leaders in the U.K., Jones decided to dedicate his future to helping others succeed. He has since delivered more than 2,500 presentations in 57 countries across five continents, training more than 2 million people on how to have more influence, confidence and control when steering their conversations.