Every day we make small agreements, such as who we are going to spend our lunchtime with. We also make larger agreements, such as who we will trust with our money. The quality of our agreements is going to determine the quality of our relationships, and eventually these cumulative choices around agreements are going to contribute greatly to the satisfaction or dissatisfaction we feel in our life.

As financial advisors, you serve as catalysts to help other people invest their hard-earned money. You know all too well how slippery agreements can be when people are talking about where and how fast they want their money to grow. Have you ever been disappointed because you thought you had secured an agreement with someone, but then it fell through?

Today, you are going to learn about the five levels of agreement. It’s a powerful framework that is going to allow you to unravel unclear agreements in real time with your clients, your colleagues and your family.

Several years ago, I was asked to transform a hospital culture in an operating room. An anesthesiologist raised his hand and said, “All these communication tools — they’re good and well, but I’m wondering how they’re going to make the team around here more competent.” So, I engaged him in a different kind of dialogue around the five levels of agreement.

I asked him to ask me five times, “Hey, Neha, would you like to go see ‘Wonder Woman,’ the new movie that’s coming out this weekend?” I answered him five different ways.

The first time he asked me, I answered, “Oh, ‘Wonder Woman’? I didn’t even know it was out yet.” Do we have an agreement? A level 1 agreement is about me; I just acknowledged that he spoke. That’s all I did.

We went to level 2. “Hey, Neha, do you want to go see the new ‘Wonder Woman’ movie this weekend?” I responded, “Oh, I’ve been dying to see that movie ever since we saw the trailer last fall.” Do we have an agreement now? What I did was show some positive interest. What he doesn’t know is whether I’m interested in seeing the movie with him.

Let’s move to level 3. “Hey, Neha, do you want to go see that new ‘Wonder Woman’ movie this weekend?” I responded, “Yes, I absolutely want to go see the movie with you this weekend. I just have to make sure that I get my taxes in on time because they’re due on Friday. As long as I get that done, we’re absolutely going.” So, are we going to the movies? I’ve acknowledged that he spoke. I have shown some positive interest in doing it, but what did I do differently? Level 3 is about a qualified yes. What I did was give myself a backdoor out. It doesn’t mean going to the movies.

We are now going to gently move to a level 4 agreement. He said, “Hey, Neha, do you want to see that new ‘Wonder Woman’ movie?” And I said, “Yes, I do want to see it, and I want to see it this weekend.” Do we have an agreement? Not yet; I’m a busy woman, and I might get sidetracked. He might be a busy man; he’s got a life. Next thing you know, it’s Monday morning, and we didn’t see the movie. Level 4 is a clear yes, which means solid intention; no one gave a backdoor out or an excuse.

Except here’s the last level, level 5. He said, “Hey, Neha, do you want to see the new ‘Wonder Woman’ movie this weekend?” I said, “Yes, I’d love to see it. How about the 1 o’clock matinee on Saturday at Embarcadero theater? I’ll buy tickets. You buy popcorn.” Are we going to the movies? Yes, we are going to the movies because the details are confirmed. You know when you have a level 5 agreement. Everything up until then is the making of an agreement.

Does that now mean that a level 5 agreement is good and all the others aren’t? No, it doesn’t because the secret is that two people need to be at the same level of agreement in order for there to be peace and connection in their relationship.

When two people are at the same level of agreement, things move smoothly. What happens if people are at differing levels of agreement? Let’s say I was really excited to see the “Wonder Woman” movie, and I asked a long lost friend, Phoebe, from high school: “Hey, Phoebe, do you want to go see ‘Wonder Woman’ this weekend with me?” Phoebe answered, “Yes, I’d love to go. As long as I can get someone to watch the kids, and I have enough energy by Friday night, I am in.”

I’m at a level 5, and Phoebe’s at a level 3. She just gave me a qualified yes. How do I make a decision? When you realize that you are at a different level of agreement than another person is, you go deeper than the agreement. You ask yourself, What do I value about this agreement? Let’s say that Wonder Woman is my favorite childhood superhero, and I absolutely have to be there on opening night. Then my next decision is to ask someone else to go or to go solo.

Now, on the other hand, if “Wonder Woman” was just a good excuse to connect with my old childhood friend, I then could change my plans because it’s not going to “Wonder Woman” that the agreement really is about. So then I come up with another option: “How about I bring takeout over, and the two of us can reminisce about the old days?”

When you realize that you and another person are at different levels of agreement, the way you move to quick and clear decision-making is by knowing what you value about that agreement. The next time you are thinking about offering certain products, a target date fund or another product, and your client’s asking about a certain product that you don’t necessarily think meets your client’s financial goals, notice the differences in levels of agreement, and get really clear about why you are committed to what you are committed to, what you value about it and what might the client value about that other product. Because if you understand that, you can ask the right questions to make good decisions that will help you bridge the gap.

If there are five levels of agreement, are there also five levels of disagreement? Yes, and it’s basically the same structure flipped.

For level 1, it would be acknowledging someone but using your body language, tone or words, which give you the clues as to someone’s interest or lack thereof. “Oh, I didn’t know ‘Wonder Woman’ was out yet.”

Level 2 would be negative interest. “The reviews I’ve read are pretty mediocre. It’s not getting much buzz, not worth my time.”

Level 3 is a qualified no. “No, I would never actually pay money to see ‘Wonder Woman’ in the theater. Now, if it was free or someone gifted me, I might consider it.” Now you understand what it would take to flip that no to a yes.

Level 4 is a clear no. “No, never thought about it” or “No, I wouldn’t go.” No backdoors, nothing like that.

Level 5 is details confirmed. “I hate superhero movies. I’m not going to see ‘Wonder Woman’ now or ever.” Your agreement is pretty clear.

Whether you are asking someone to go to the movies or selling someone the best financial products to help them make their dreams come true, knowing what levels of agreement or levels of disagreement you have is going to pay off in the long run.

Dr. Neha Sangwan is an internal medicine physician, engineer and communications expert who empowers leaders, organizational executives and teams to excel under pressure. An international speaker and media spokeswoman, Sangwan focuses on the topics of conflict resolution, leadership, team transition, power and hierarchy, employee wellness and the unique needs of teams in high-stress environments.