The worst time to think about what you’re saying is when you’re saying it. You could rehearse a script, memorize the lines you think you have to say to a client or make it up as you go along. But questions and curiosity will take you further into leading conversations that matter. Particularly those conversations where you’re talking to the client’s subconscious. 

Most of us think that no is the enemy of yes. It isn’t. Maybe is the enemy. If you can talk to the part of someone’s brain that is fundamentally more decisive, you can increase the rate of decision, which means you can increase the rate and the size of transactions. The subconscious brain is powerful in the decision-making process because it has a yes output and a no output. Maybe does not live in the subconscious, or what I’ll call the little voice inside your head. That is the autopilot in your mind that is working for you all day. If you had to think about all the decisions you needed to make, you would be exhausted 15 minutes after you woke up, as some things, like breathing, exist in our muscle memory. Learning to speak to another person’s voice in their head is what gives you a fair advantage in just about every conversation.

Talking to the little voice

Rather than asking a client to directly consider my idea, I’ll preface an ask with the words, “I’m not sure if it’s for you.” Two things happen to the little voice in the client’s head. First, it says, “Well, I’ll be the judge of that.” The client’s little voice is taking full, personal responsibility that a decision needs to be made and that decision is theirs to make. The second thing it does is pique curiosity. The subconscious wonders, “What is it?”

Then there’s a three-letter word that holds huge power. A lot of people are taught that the word “but” negates what was said prior to it. However, the word but shifts the focus to what is coming next and has you looking at the other things. You could say to a client, “Hey, I’m not sure if it’s for you, but many people in your situation have been seeing huge success with (fill in the blank)” or “Hey, I’m not sure if it’s for you, but there’s an opportunity opening that I think could be a good fit for you.” These words make you a pull salesperson rather than a pushy salesperson.

Another insight for talking to the little voice is the notion that the whole world likes to see themselves as open-minded. That doesn’t mean they are, but it’s an insight you can use as a rejection-free conversation starter. The person in control of the conversation is the person asking the questions, so ask yours by saying, “How open-minded would you be?” The phrase allows you to plant an idea and trigger a discussion. “How open-minded would you be to investing more during this period of time to help support your long-term plans? How open-minded would you be to revisiting your protection needs given the life changes that you’ve currently gone through?” Quite often, we wait for clients to give us permission to have that discussion. I’m 100% certain that if you write a text message to a handful of your clients or prospective clients that started with a question, “How open-minded would you be to,” or “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but,” or even combine the two, you would have a business opportunity on the table. 

Another principle for talking to the subconscious is understanding motivation. A secret for influence is finding someone’s reason to move. There are only three reasons that anybody will move to do anything: the things you want to run toward, the things that make you want to run away and things you do for yourself that will make your heart sing. Your job in any given moment is to have enough emotional intelligence to build a cocktail out of all three of those levers to move somebody to action. 

When we first make decisions, we do so hypothetically in our mind’s eye. Have you ever said the words, “I cannot see myself doing that.” If you cannot see yourself doing something, the likelihood of you choosing to do it is slim to none. Therefore, if I can get somebody to see themselves doing something before I invite them to do it, the chance of them doing it is significantly higher.

Story time

Our memories became memories for one of two reasons. A memory was either an experience you lived through, or the story was shared with you. When we first make decisions hypothetically in our mind, we reference our memory, this catalog of images. Remember as a child when you heard the phrase “Once upon a time,” you knew that a story was coming. The grown-up version of those words is “just imagine.” Those two words can paint purposeful or intentional pictures of things people might want to run toward, things they might want to run away from or things that make their heart sing. 

How does that play out in the real world? Just imagine the joy of being able to go to sleep at night knowing that you’ve got all your finances in order. Just imagine that if we keep putting this off and something bad happens, you’re not fully protected. Or just imagine that by taking the time to get your financial affairs done right, you’ll be in a position where you can confidently spend more time with your loved ones. Most people are fine as they are, so the greater the contrast you can create between those things, the more likely somebody will move. 

Another piece of basic psychology is people are a lot like sheep. We’re happy to follow the herd, and there’s safety in numbers. That is why we’re more likely to believe 37 strangers on a Yelp review than a recommendation from our mother-in-law. Pairing that psychology with the fact that you often want to tell people what to do without them feeling like they’re being told what to do, try saying, “Here’s what most people would do in that scenario.” When you use that phrase, the little voice kicks up and goes, “Aha, I’m most people, so I’m going to do that and there is no way you can change my mind.”

The close

I bet most of the time when you delivered a presentation to a client, you finished by asking, “Do you have any questions?” When you ask that, what you’re suggesting is that they should have questions, but if you did your job right, you’re hoping they don’t have any. Instead, try asking, “What questions do you have for me?” If they don’t have questions, then they have all the information they need, and you can assume they are ready to make a decision. But you don’t have to ask for a decision. Rather, invite them to take the next step. It’s as easy as saying, “What happens next is …” and you can lead the dance. You are responsible for leading the dance for your client. They chose you because they thought you were an expert. Don’t let them down. They’re not looking to decide based on information you provide. They look to you to help them.