Ever hear of impostor syndrome? It happens when you arrive somewhere and feel like everyone is staring at you and thinking, You don’t belong here. As a financial professional, one of the first steps to getting high-net-worth (HNW) individuals as clients is to become part of their world. Even if you join the museum, attend charity galas, write big checks to your college alumni association and get invited to exclusive events, impostor syndrome can still set in. But how you dress, talk and fit in with wealthy people can help you overcome the syndrome.
How should you dress?
This task might be the easiest part to accomplish. There’s an old saying: “It’s a lot easier to get to where you want to be if you dress like you are already there.” When my wife and I were on a fashion week-themed cruise, I attended a lecture by a financial services professional who passed along great advice: “Whenever you leave your house, dress as if today you are going to run into your rival from high school.”
Let us look at more ways to present yourself. Many of these points seem obvious, but we often cut corners when we are in a hurry.
- Business cards and your phone. You should never say, “I don’t have a card on me.” When they offer you a card, you should be able to reciprocate. Your business card is important for another reason: You have identified a common interest or a reason to get together socially. Write your and your spouse’s first names on the back of your card, add a word or two about the shared interest (perhaps it was wine), handwrite your phone number and then present the card handwritten side up. This establishes it is a personal connection, and they’ll see your business credentials when they flip your card over. Also, although you are never separated from your phone, it should be silenced during events.
- Pens and paper money. Carry a pen because someone might ask to borrow it. You also might need it to make a note on your business card. Have paper money available to tip the person who hands you your coat or parks your car.
- You are confident. You are upbeat, and people sense that in the way you carry yourself. Treat everyone with respect and consider them as equals. Make them feel like they are the most important person in the room.
What are you going to talk about?
You might think the people around you belong to a different world. That’s impostor syndrome creeping in. Many years ago, a magazine like GQ ran an ad showing a well-dressed guy leaning against a railing. The ad said, “You don’t know if he just made his first 10 million or is down to his last 10 million.” You don’t know, but you are a financial professional, so carry yourself like you belong in this world. So, what do wealthy people talk about?
- Success at work. They talk about deals done. Maybe they got promoted. You can take an interest and draw them out.
- Real estate prices. They might moan and complain, but they are secretly thrilled because they own property. You can talk about new buildings going up in the area.
- Sports. Everyone has a favorite team. It is highly unlikely they own one, but they are spectators just like you.
- Restaurants. The wealthier you are, the less likely you eat at home. They are constantly finding and trying new restaurants. Have they found any lately?
- Charitable giving. The events where you meet them are often connected to a nonprofit. What other causes do they support?
- Travel. The wealthy travel. We are not talking about vacation travel. They will pay for exclusivity and want to try something new. Where are they going next?
- Investments. They talk about the stock market and making money. This is in your wheelhouse. What do you think about interest rates?
- Hobbies. Many people have a passion for something. Maybe they’re a collector. Try to find out what their interests might be.
- Health. They talk about their own health, and the health of their parents might be a big concern. The older you get, the more doctors you have. This is a good topic for future follow-up, and you’ll be asking out of concern.
How do you fit in?
It is easy to figure out what not to do. Don’t be selling or barriers will go up. But don’t be silent either. Make your voice heard, and don’t lie or exaggerate. They can tell when you are.
- You have favorite restaurants. They talk about their favorites, so you talk about yours. You might double date for dinner sometime.
- You have a hobby too. You will be meeting people who collect art. Someone else collects wine. For someone else, it’s watches or jewelry. You cannot compete in every area, but position your hobby as your specialist subject.
- Your car doesn’t need to be new, but it should be nice. Cars today retain their like-new look even after years of driving, and designs don’t change that much. You should have a car that creates the right impression if you say, “I’ll drive us to the restaurant.” It does not need to be new, but it should be clean, inside and out.
People will get to know you for who you are. They can spot a phony or someone with an agenda, and they know when they are being sold. If you are confident, sincere and keep showing up, they should get comfortable with you.
Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services profession. His book, “Captivating the Wealthy Investor,” is available on Amazon. Contact him at brycesanders@msn.com.