Paterson: Today, you’ll hear firsthand from three ladies who all work in the financial services space about what their achievements have been in their different roles, as well as what challenges they’ve encountered and how they’ve tried to overcome these.

We’ll begin by introducing our speakers. We have Kelly Clements, Amanda Cassar and Vanessa Bucklin. Kelly, can you introduce yourself and fill the audience in on some of your professional background.

Clements: I’m Kelly Clements, and I’ve worked with top coaching companies such as Strategic Coach, Kolbe and Dream Manager, but I later broke out in the coaching industry when I began focusing on the love relationship in my business coaching. I observed a disconnect that occurred between my clients and their partners when one was growing and the other wasn’t. The more coaching and workshops the entrepreneur attended, the wider the gap became in their love relationship. I, therefore, identified that the best way to serve my clients was to serve the partner as well. This path has taken me through powerful business networks such as YPO, EO and Vistage.

Paterson: Thanks, Kelly. Now let’s jump to Amanda Cassar. Amanda, please tell us a little about yourself.

Cassar: I’ve been in the financial services industry since leaving school and starting in 1991. I started doing secretarial duties, then became an office manager, practice manager and later an advisor. In 2014, I eventually bought out my former employer and now run Wealth Planning Partners on my own. I have two adult children who now both work in my practice. My son is an advisor, and my daughter works in an admin capacity.

I attend Strategic Coach workshops and head to Santa Monica from Australia every quarter for these. I’m also an advocate for The Hunger Project and have attended three leadership and immersion programs with them to Uganda, Malawi and India. I’m a passionate lifelong learner and invest a lot in my ongoing education each year.

There are three advisors in my business, and we work mainly with mum and dad clients around Australia. I also love travel and have just returned from a cruise in the Mediterranean with my husband for our 25th wedding anniversary.

Paterson: Thanks, Amanda. And finally, Vanessa, please introduce yourself and tell us a little about yourself.

Bucklin: Five years ago, I opened my business from scratch in a rural, country town of 2,500 people, which means we have one stoplight and no McDonald’s. Along with my life and financial planning business, I also started an independent property and casualty agency. I have qualified for MDRT in my first year and every year since, and I now have three licensed agents in my agency, Pondera County Insurance.

Prior to my insurance career, I had 15 years of lending experience as a VP and commercial and agriculture loan officer for Wells Fargo and a small local state bank.

I was born and raised a farmer’s daughter and now specialize in estate planning and asset protection, focusing on family farms and the next generation transition.

I earned a bachelor’s degree in finance, summa cum laude, from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and an MBA from the University of Montana. Recently, I secured my CLU designation from The American College. Because I believe it takes a community, I sit on several boards of directors, including the University of Montana Alumni Association, Local Economic Development and our hospital foundation.

I am married to Tyler, and we have three amazing kids: Claire (12), Nick (9) and Coco (7). In my spare time, I enjoy training and competing in marathons and ultramarathons as well as spending time with my active kids.

Paterson: Kelly, our first question is directed at you. The female entrepreneur may slip into “workaholic mode” both in the office and at home. What are some suggestions for trying to make the most of this situation, or to avoid it?

Clements: First and foremost, self-care is crucial for these reasons. I suggest scheduling key activities like date nights, exercise, wellness appointments and time with friends into the calendar, and then honoring them!

Next, get to work on any guilt mentality you are carrying. Where is that really coming from? The cousin of guilt is people-pleasing. Doing some deep thought work on where the people-pleaser gene comes from is critical as well to help protect your time, energy, confidence and productivity.

Also important is putting a strong sense of play into time away from work. I believe workaholism is simply a habit of gravitating toward the sources of our highest enjoyment and fulfillment. Play gets squeezed out of our personal lives with adult responsibilities such as household management, kids’ activity schedules, family obligations, deteriorating health conditions, etc. Through the law of entropy, all things in life are designed to unravel. They are designed to disintegrate. When this disintegration starts to happen at home, we tend to check out and throw ourselves into our work. For this reason, it is crucial to prepare for and protect our playtime. This is physical, enjoyable activity that we enjoy with our personal relationships. It’s the ultimate reboot and has the ability to fully charge our batteries better and faster than any other activity while we are away from work.

Paterson: Amanda, how have you juggled being a mum, breadwinner and business owner? What are some of the practical things that have helped you do all of this? How has this evolved/changed over the years?

Cassar: One of the harder jobs (and often we make it harder for ourselves) was the running of the household. I was totally trying to do it all while studying for my master’s, owner building, refinancing, helping out at school, baking cupcakes, building my business, looking after my clients, managing expectations, racing around to networking and training events, sorting the washing and ironing and making sure a nutritious, well-planned and balanced dinner was on the table at 6 p.m.

Looking back, it was pretty outrageous, but it was also the burden I put on myself. I had to learn to ask for help, which really wasn’t easy for me. The kids had to completely take charge of their end of the house — do their own cleaning, washing, etc. — and help out with the meals. And I also had to be OK with the outcomes. Maybe it wasn’t at the former standards, but that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I had created the monster, and I had to help morph it into something that worked before I ran away screaming. I would definitely have started that a lot sooner. Delegate everything!

Having the open and honest conversations with my husband earlier probably would have helped too, but I didn’t want to be a nag. I really wanted to be the super mum.

So, yeah, things have changed a lot. My son has left home, and we’ve downsized into a cabin. If the washing needs to wait for another day or the dishes stay in the dishwasher overnight, I really don’t care. I’ve had to learn the hard way not to sweat the small stuff. My mental health was impacted, and I ended up on antidepressants for seven years trying to manage the juggle. And it’s just not worth it.

I’ve learned to fill my own cup first or I’ll have nothing to share. I’ve undertaken a lot of personal and professional development to get to this place. Investing in yourself isn’t selfish (who knew?). It was one of the smartest things I ever did.

Paterson: Vanessa, with all the roles you play, including financial advisor, managing your own business, mother to three young children and ultramarathon runner, how do you keep a positive attitude toward each?

Bucklin: We have all heard it, and it is so true: Attitude is 98 percent of the battle. Whether you are managing a difficult account or are on mile 36 of a 50-mile race, it is all mental. In juggling all of my different responsibilities, I work at keeping a positive attitude and count my blessings each and every day. I never wake up in the morning without this being the first thought in my head, and I never leave the office at the end of the week without identifying the small successes that all add up and lead to wins.

I like to correlate my running to my career as an agent. In a race, there are many points where you don’t feel great, and it would be easy to walk off the course. My experience is that once you get that negative thought going through your head, it is like a cancer, and it will eat you up. During the difficult parts of the race (even when I am in pain), I force myself to smile, and I say to myself, Run happy. I recognize that there are so many people out there who want to run and cannot. So many more people are out there fighting for their lives, and I am complaining about a little pain in my knee!

I think this is the same for our work. We need to “work happy” and not let negativity take over. We are blessed to have the opportunity and the privilege of protecting lives each and every day. We are blessed to be able to have the tools to solve the problems and attack the challenges. If it were easy, anyone would do it!

And lastly, my most important role is as a mother. Never get fired from your No. 1 job! My No. 1 job is raising and loving my three beautiful children. No matter what deal comes across my desk or what client needs to see me immediately, I keep in mind my No. 1 job. You see, as the MDRT Whole Person taught us, you can’t be a really great advisor if you aren’t well-balanced in all areas of your life. When I start to feel unbalanced, I go back to my basics, my fundamentals, my kids. And by remembering this, it brings everything back in the line of balance.

Paterson: Kelly, when women are trying to do it all and have it all, what are some of the pitfalls you see in this scenario, and what advice would you give female advisors in this situation?

Clements: Have it all? Yes! Do it all? No. Have it all at the same time? No.

I’m a huge advocate for work-life integration and having it all. But where we go wrong is feeling like we need to have it all at the same time.

I believe we learn a lot from nature, especially in this scenario. This is where the concept of seasons is a game changer. And there are micro-seasons and macro-seasons.

Micro-seasons are determined by pressing priorities like temporary personal/family medical concerns, ruts in personal relationships, peak seasons at work, etc.

Macro-seasons are determined by life’s milestones like honeymoons, new parents, midlife with pre-adolescent kids, empty nesting, retirement, etc.

Being present to the requirements of each season is key to releasing the need to do it all at once. When we chase it all at once, we spread ourselves so thin that we don’t recognize or appreciate any of it. Instead, we experience burnout, exhaustion, fatigue, frustration and resentment.

Paterson: Vanessa, we’ve touched on this topic, but can you talk about the guilty feeling a working mother faces and how you overcome this?

Bucklin: This is an age-old question and something I work at managing every day. For years, women worked at fighting for their rights to take a seat at the boardroom table. And now, like before, they face the critical decision of keeping their place at the table or turning 100 percent of their focus on their No. 1 job.

Because I was the breadwinner for my family, I didn’t really get a choice about returning to the boardroom table. So, I decided to grab those guilty feelings by the hand and walk with them, run with them, if you will!

My mother was a working mom, and I was always so proud of her as a kid. I remember watching her in admiration as she got dressed in her suit and hurried off to the high school. Much of what she illustrated to me as a working mother really shaped who I am today. She taught me to get educated, learn to protect myself and provide for my family, be strong and stand up for myself no matter what the circumstance.

Now, as a working mother, I take the guilt by the hand and recognize that I am not trying to impress my kids. I am trying to impress upon them that with hard work, dedication, determination and a little ambition, they can do anything they set their minds to. Working mothers are teaching their children that dreams can come true! And this is the greatest gift we can ever give them.

Paterson: Amanda, you now have your adult children working for you in the business. What’s that been like (both good and bad), and what would some tips be for other advisors in this position?

Cassar: Yes, aren’t I the clever one! It’s been challenging to say the least. My children don’t particularly like each other and have never really gotten along, so at the start, they brought that bickering with them, and that had to end immediately. I brought in a family business specialist, and we had to work out boundaries. What did my network/license expect of me, the government, common law? And what were the family business rules on top of that? It was more complex to navigate than I thought. The kids are now 22 and 20, and my son has been advising for three years. My daughter does part-time admin in the office.

I think it’s really important to set the expectations early. There are no handouts. You have to work hard from the start and, if possible, get experience elsewhere first. If you need to bring in a third party or mediator, then do it. It’s better to get it right from the start than to have it come apart at the seams later because of what was left unsaid.

Paterson: Kelly, from what you’ve seen with your clients, how important is it to try to get both partners “reading off the same page” when it comes to running a business or, more specifically, when it comes to a woman running her own business? What are the challenges with this, and what are some ways to overcome those?

Clements: The synergy between the love relationship and the business is undeniable. It’s two sets of eyes, two sets of ears and two brains on the home and business front. A healthy love relationship offers an unfair advantage in all areas of life. Expectations are the mother of disappointment, and, as the business and/or the marriage evolve, it’s necessary to check in to see where needs, wants and expectations have also evolved.

The challenges with women running their own business are the dynamics that it changes in the relationship. Often, entrepreneurial women are alpha women, and what makes us successful in business can make us hard to please at home. We’ll talk more about this aspect later, but there’s a ton of other factors that play into a woman’s success that men don’t necessarily encounter.

We carry an invisible workload in both our business and home life. In addition to being business owners, we are also primary caregivers for children, aging parents and pets. We are the ones managing all the calendars, the grocery lists and birthday parties not to mention the emotional needs of everyone around us. It demands that we are constantly shuffling, learning and growing. If our spouse or partner isn’t on board, it can create a lot of resentment.

Women also tend to battle a gnarlier gender gap that requires us to rely on our masculine qualities. This may be necessary in business, but it can be detrimental in our homes as that often shows up as emasculation in our marriage.

Paterson: Kelly, following up on that, what is your opinion on the female breadwinner role as it relates to relationships? What are some of the challenges with this and also some of the possible solutions?

Clements: This is such a great question and such an empowering question to answer. But before I share my answer, I need to offer a trigger warning that I’m about to share a hard truth.

The hard truth is that female breadwinners are breadwinners because they are often driven, perfectionists, high achievers, and they demand the same from those around them.

Speaking from personal experience, as I got deeper and deeper into my purpose/career, I really started to resent my husband for not doing the same. I began to naturally respect the men I was growing alongside. Eventually, my comparisons to those men began to translate into criticism of him. And time after time, he proved me right. Each time I reminded him that he was falling short, he shrunk even more. Sadly, our marriage ended in divorce.

Fast-forward through our divorce, and he asked me if I could keep our kids for an extra weekend. “Sure!” I happily responded. “Thanks. I’m in the Top 10 percent of sales for my company, and I made the president’s trip. I’ll be in Hawaii for 10 days with my new girlfriend,” he offered.

This is the guy I couldn’t get out of bed before noon. Same guy. Same company. Same product. Same territory. Different girl.

That’s when I understood the degree that women serve as life-givers. What we speak over our people becomes truth. When we focus on who our partners aren’t, we lose sight of who they are. What we appreciate, appreciates. And we start to appreciate all their flaws. We see more of them.

All breadwinners, male or female, are best served when they recognize the partner at home provides qualities of new perspectives, balance, support and, ideally, encouragement and a shared vision of the future.

Paterson: Amanda, what’s it been like for you working in a male-dominated industry over the years? What are the pros and cons as a female advisor? Are there things that you’ve had to do differently?

Cassar: To be honest, for the first few years, I was pretty oblivious. I was there to learn and do the job. It wasn’t until later that I realized I was often the only woman at the table, or even in the room. I believe it’s pretty well-established that we’re wired differently than men, so we bring a different skill set to the table. I think that’s a great thing. I used to buy into the “woman in a man’s world,” but it’s easier to just throw the net down to other women and drag as many up as possible. Everyone has different traits or characteristics that people gel with, and it should be about what’s the best outcome for the client, not whether male or female advisors are any better than each other.

I love that we’re working up (in Australia) from 11 to 15 percent of the profession to around 20 percent representation now — that’s encouraging.

It’s easier for us to identify with other women, show empathy more easily and be focused on the greater good of the family. Some women in the past have felt patronized or overlooked by some male advisors and prefer to deal with other women, so the more the merrier.

I’m not terribly competitive, so I’ve never viewed myself as being in opposition or competition with other advisors, male or female. There’s more than enough work for everybody, and my biggest motivation is to be a better version of myself and do the best for my clients.

I don’t think I’ve had to do anything differently just because I’m a woman. Maybe I’ve had to learn to be kinder to myself, curb the negative self-talk and reduce my expectations on myself, but nothing professionally has had to be different.

I chose very early on to go as far as I could in my education, but that was a personal choice, not a gender issue.

Paterson: Vanessa, how were you able to develop a business from scratch in a rural town of 2,500 people while raising kids and training for marathons?

Bucklin: Albert E.N. Gray said, “The common denominator of success — the secret of success of every man who has ever been successful — lies in the fact that he formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.” I can summarize the speech of former life insurance agent, Albert Gray, that successful people have a purpose strong enough to make them form habits of doing things they don’t like to do in order to accomplish the purpose they want to accomplish more than anything. Success is found in their purpose and disciplining themselves to work through the difficult steps, keeping the end in mind.

Again, I can relate it to my running. Although I was a high school athlete, when I started running about 10 years ago, I literally had to start with walking a block and then running a block, walking a block and then running a block. I did this until I built up to my first 5K race (still the toughest race of my life), then a half marathon, then a full marathon, then the Boston Marathon, and finally, after 10 hours and 45 minutes, my first 50-mile ultramarathon.

This business is just like this training. You have to crawl before you walk and walk before you run. You have to run a block and then walk a block. It takes sacrifice, dedication and discipline. And you continue, and you hurt, and you hear another client say no, but you continue to make the calls and book the next appointments. And you keep going — doing what you do best each and every day. We are relationship builders, and we are protecting lives. We keep this in mind each mile, each day, and that purpose carries us through the distance. And then you look back, after you go and go, and you realize you just passed all that, and you are at your goal. Each step, each phone call, each signed promise is getting you that much closer to your ultimate purpose. And you realize something else — it’s the climb!

Paterson: Amanda, you’ve got an interest now in charitable organizations, specifically ones for female entrepreneurs in developing countries. What are some of the things you have learned from those women that can be translated into our industry?

Cassar: One of the major takeaways is that everything starts with our mindset. If you think you can, or can’t, you’re right. Having traveled in Uganda, Malawi and India, I’ve seen those in abject poverty learn that “if it’s going to be, it’s up to me.” Now, these people have real excuses — civil war, corruption and generations of the same. If anyone really was going to believe “it’s always been like this and always will,” it’s the villagers I met. Yet, they had the opportunity to step up and take hold of something new and run with it, and it’s worked. They break it down into a three-step process: vision, commitment and action. And that’s very much what we do as financial planners. We work out our clients’ goals and needs, then set the action plan in place, have our clients commit and act on our recommendations. That, for me, has been very special to see. When I’m having a tough week — things aren’t going my way, underwriters aren’t making the decisions I’d like — I think back to my time in the villages and recalibrate. We truly are very blessed, and the term “First World problems” takes on a whole new meaning.

Paterson: Vanessa, what makes a female a good advisor? And with all the demands placed on you as a mother, a business owner, a professional and an athlete, how do you manage to do it all on a practical level?

Bucklin: You might wonder, after hearing from these successful entrepreneurs and the guilt and challenges they face, why a female should ever try to accept the job as a female advisor. It is no mystery that we are in a male-dominated industry and represent less than 20 percent of advisors. We are mothers and caregivers. We run board meetings and bake sales. We are juggling and struggling to close deals as we dance backward in high heels. There is really nothing we can’t do, and we have proved it. That is why!

We have to become an advisor for our children and for ourselves. We want our kids to know that we can and will do anything we set our minds to do. One of my favorite quotes by Gina Carey says, “A strong woman looks a challenge dead in the eye and gives it a wink.” I’m living proof that we can do it, and, in so many cases, we can do it better than a man!

It sounds clichéd, but I definitely utilize the MDRT Whole Person concept or a complement to that concept, realizing that you can’t be a really great advisor if you aren’t well-balanced in all areas of your life. I feel that everything has a place, and, in a way, I feel I compartmentalize the different areas of my life. By using my mind control to focus entirely on the specific activity at hand, I am able to channel all my energy into that area, whether it is client meetings, helping my kids with their homework or training for a 50-mile race.

For example, I make it a point to get home each night to make dinner and eat as a family around the dining room table. We discuss the worst part and best part of our day and try to connect as a family. I prioritize the evening time for my kids and am completely focused on them during that time. I am proud to say that, unless I am traveling, I kiss my kids good night every single night.

Then I have my compartment for my training and marathons. Because I don’t want to cut into family time at night and because I feel it is “my time,” I make it a priority the first part of every day. Unfortunately, everyone has the same amount of time in a day, so I wake up anywhere from 4:30 to 5:00 every morning to fit in this necessity. And during peak training times, I am mindful to alternate my continuing education (for example, I recently completed my CLU) with my training.

Next, another large component is, of course, managing a business and three licensed agents. First, an advisor told me, when I was new in the business, that you cannot work every single day of the week and not have burnout. I try hard to dedicate one day a week (either Saturday or Sunday) where I am not touching any work related to my business. I think this keeps my head clear and provides time for my other opportunities.

I think in terms of energy versus time. By channeling all my energy into each of the different components of my life, I am able to maintain some balance. Instead of thinking about time, think about energy. We all have the same amount of time in a day, and time is not renewable. Energy is renewable. Be smart about how you work and where you give your energy. Ask yourself, Where am I burning energy on things that don’t matter (false efforts or wasted energy, e.g., illustrations, Facebook, answering emails)? By the way, my agency has a Facebook page, but I have never had a personal Facebook account. I feel it is a waste of energy and would take away from these other priorities that we have discussed.

In summary, it is the exact things that challenge us as female advisors that enable and empower us to be great advisors!

Let me give an example. When I was a young girl, I decided to dive off the high dive into the deep end of our local swimming pool. I had no business jumping in the deep water let alone diving as I had absolutely no formal training. But the point is, I did not see the dive into the deep water as a hindrance because I could have drowned; I saw it as an opportunity to learn to survive and thrive.

This is just a small picture of the opportunities we see every single day as female advisors: the challenges of keeping an unheard-of schedule not only for ourselves but for our children and spouse, the challenge of balancing the different opinions and input in a board meeting while planning the well-balanced meal for our children that night, the challenge of remaining mentally and physically tough enough to stay healthy amid the late night development and next day implementation of projections and goals — obstacles for many, but we as females see them as opportunities to take the lead in our personal and professional development, as an advisor, mother, spouse and leader.

Vanessa Y. Bucklin, MBA, CLU, is a five-year MDRT member and the owner of Pondera County Insurance, which provides an array of insurance products and investments. She specializes in estate planning and asset protection, focusing on family farms and next-generation transitions. She earned her bachelor’s in finance from UNLV and her MBA from the University of Montana. Prior to opening her own agency, Bucklin had 15 years of lending experience as a commercial and agriculture loan officer.

Amanda Cassar, MFP, AFP, is a seven-year MDRT member with two Court of the Table and two Top of the Table honors. A business owner, financial advisor and passionate philanthropist, Cassar has observed hearts and minds being opened and watched people be empowered to step into their own leadership journeys. She is an author, speaker, blogger and adventurer who runs her financial planning and aged care businesses from the Gold Coast in Australia.

Kelly Clements has worked with top coaching companies like Strategic Coach, Kolbe and Dream Manager, but she broke out in the coaching industry when she began including the growth of the love relationship in her business coaching. She observed there was a psychological disconnect that occurred between her coaching clients and their partners when one was growing and one wasn’t. Since then, she has worked with powerful business networks like YPO, EO and Vistage.

Susan Catherine Paterson, FChFP, is a 15-year MDRT member with four Court of the Table and six Top of the Table qualifications. She runs a financial practice and general insurance brokerage firm which looks after both the business and personal needs of almost 3,500 clients and specializes in business insurance. Coming from a banking background, Paterson has been in the financial services industry for 25 years.