My name is Vanessa Van Edwards, and I run a human behavior research lab. Basically, my job is an excuse for me to ask invasive personal questions for our amusement. My big goal, my obsession, is to figure out what makes people tick and how people work.

One of my favorite topics to research is charisma. Charisma is a unique trait, and we accidentally discovered some fascinating charisma science.

We were doing research on personality and asked people two questions in our study: “Who is the most charismatic person you know?” and “What is charisma?” People had an incredibly hard time answering about charisma. This shows us that charisma is easy to spot but hard to define.

Researchers found that there are two dimensions we use to evaluate people: warmth and competence. We tend to decide if someone is low or high in either area:

1. Warmth: friendliness, trustworthiness, empathy, kindness
2. Competence: power, intelligence, efficacy, skill

But you must have both to be charismatic!

We created something called the Charisma Scale. Everyone can fall on this scale. Where are you? How do we learn to be both warm and competent?

First, we have to understand charismatic communication. We found that charisma is both verbal and nonverbal. Nonverbal is the part we forget. There are many nonverbal channels we might not even think about:

• Facial expressions
• Body language
• Voice tone
• Clothing
• Jewelry
• How you hold your drink

There is one great study that shows us how powerful nonverbal is. This was done by Professor Stephen Ceci. He took two of his classes and verbally scripted them so that, word for word, they were exactly the same. Then, to one class, he added charismatic nonverbal — which I will teach you today.

He asked his students to rank him on five qualities:

1. Instructor knowledge
2. Organization
3. Accessibility
4. Textbook quality
5. Fairness in grading

He guessed the nonverbal class would do better in instructor knowledge and accessibility. But the nonverbal class did better in every single area, including textbook quality. This is because of the halo effect, which says that if you have charismatic body language, then everything you touch looks better.

So, what is “charismatic nonverbal”? We also know that we are constantly both decoding and encoding charisma:

• When we decode, we read other people’s social cues.
• When we encode, we send social cues to others.

Which one are you better at? How many people think they are better decoders? Who thinks they are a better encoder? Most people think they are better at decoding. Let’s put that to the test.

My goal is to teach you how to see people in a completely new way and notice things you have never noticed before. What I am going to do is show you pictures for exactly five seconds each. I want you to memorize everything you can about the pictures. This is called “thin-slicing,” and it is the basis of cold reading people. In sales, we need to be able to read people and remember things about them very quickly.

So, you are going to look at the pictures, and then, after 10 seconds, I will ask you questions about them to see how many you get right. [visual]

• How many people were in the picture? (Answer: 5)
• How many women in the picture? (Answer: 1)
• Were they looking at an iPad, book or computer? (Answer: book)

Here it is again to check your answers. [visual]

Memorize this picture. [visual]

• How many men in the picture? (Answer: 3)
• How many plates were in the picture? (Answer: 3)
• Was the man in the background drinking red or white wine? (Answer: white)

Here it is again. [visual]

I just asked you to make a rapid first impression by taking what’s called a thin-slice, or a very quick assessment, of an image. We do this constantly without even realizing it. We are decoding and encoding incredibly quickly.

How long does it take to make a first impression? Is it less than 1 second, 7 seconds, 30 seconds or 5 minutes?

It’s less than a second!

Frank Bernieri did a study on first impressions. A trained research group watched 20-minute interviews and rated candidates on likability, self-assurance and competence. A second group saw just the first few seconds of an interview, the entrance, the handshake (if there was one) and sitting down — but no questions. The ratings were the same! The favorite candidates were the favorite candidates in both groups.

The very first thing that highly charismatic people do in their first impression is indicate trust. When you first see someone, where do you think you look first? Most people guess the eyes, head or mouth. Actually, the very first place we look is the hands. This is survival from our caveman days. We look at the hands to see if a stranger is carrying a rock or a spear.

In one case, jurors find defendants who put their hands under the table as more sneaky, untrustworthy and deceitful.

We even did a study where we analyzed thousands of hours of TED Talks, looking for patterns. We compared the most and least popular TED Talks side by side. We found a big difference. The most-viewed TED Talkers used an average of 465 hand gestures in 18 minutes. The least popular used an average of 272. Why? Hand gestures show trust and competence.

This is easy for us. We want to always keep our hands both visible and expressive. Always keep your hands above the desk in a meeting. Avoid pockets while talking. And, if you can use explanatory hand gestures, this is when you use your hands to explain your words.

Let me show you my five favorite hand gestures: [visual]

1. Listing
2. How big? How small?
3. Outline for me please
4. This comes from the heart
5. A versus B

The reason we like to touch is because the moment we get a physical touch, we get a chemical called oxytocin, which is the chemical of bonding and love.

Let’s get the oxytocin flowing and get at least three great handshakes from the people around you.

The next thing highly charismatic people do is what’s called purposeful gazing. How many of you have been told, “Always make eye contact”?

We all know the importance of eye contact, but not all eye contact is created equal. In one study they found that eye contact also produces oxytocin. It is incredibly important for bonding.

There are actually three different types of gazes. Power gazing is when we gaze from the eyes to the forehead. Social gazing is when we gaze from the eyes to the mouth. Intimate gazing is eyes to the suprasternal notch on the collarbone.

Everyone defaults to one kind of gaze. What do you use? Turn to someone you do not know, and ask, “What’s your goal for next year?” Pay attention to the kind of gaze you use.

We have talked about nonverbal; let’s dive into the verbal.

In one study, Brian Wansink had participants enter a dark room. He then asked them to eat a bowl of yogurt and rate it on its strawberry flavor. Fifty-nine percent of participants rated the yogurt as having a “nice strawberry flavor.” However, the yogurt was actually chocolate! Their brains were told they were eating strawberry, so their brains tasted strawberry.

Priming is using words, colors and images to influence someone’s behavior, expectations and actions. This is a missed priming opportunity: “Hello! My name is Vanessa Van Edwards. I want to talk to you today about body language. I run a company called Science of People, and we have been doing research for 10 years. In this presentation, I am going to cover some of our research.”

Here is the same idea but with positive priming: “Good morning! My name is Vanessa Van Edwards, and I’m very excited to be here at this incredible event with you. My goal today is to transform the way you think about body language. My company, Science of People, has been conducting fascinating research experiments and has been an industry leader since 2007.”

This is another missed opportunity: “We are all set for the meeting next week. I will prepare an overview and sample proposal for you. Then we can review them. Let me know if you have any questions.”

Here’s a better one with priming: “I’m looking forward to collaborating next week. I will prepare a goal worksheet and overview of desired outcomes for both of us. We can work through everything together. Happy to answer any questions.”

Think about how you want someone to feel before, during and after interacting with you.

Here is a challenge for you. Open your “Sent” email folder. Pull up a recent important message. How many warm versus competent words are there?

You can do this based on your charisma goals. Warm words prime for warmth. Competent words prime for competence. You can also use priming to generate the results you want. Never waste an opportunity to prime for good.

For example, most introductions go like this: “John, meet Ash. Ash, meet John.” What a waste! Instead, use as many positive words as possible.

These are far better: “John, meet my teammate, the wonderful Ash. He is very talented and has been working with us for four years. Ash, meet John. John is our amazing head of sales, and I feel lucky to have him on the project.”

This even happens with small things. In one study of room service waiters in a hotel with no windows, the waiters who reported good weather had an increase in 27 percent on the tip! Your opening line matters. They primed with nice, and it made people “more” nice.

The problem is, we so often start negative. We say things like this:

• Terrible traffic
• Bad weather
• The food is horrible!
• I’m so stressed.
• My schedule is crazy.
• I’m so busy.

And this primes people for terrible, horrible and stressed. Instead, we should focus on the good and be ready to share. Like this:

• Easy getting here
• Great weather
• Food is wonderful.
• End to a great day
• Interesting venue
• Lovely group of people

This primes people for good!

How about your calendar invites? Are they just called “calls” and “meetings”? Why not prime? Call your invites “creative work sessions,” “goal sessions” or “mastery meetings.”

What is the most important area you need to prime?

Last, it’s not just what you say; it’s how you say it.

A micro-expression is a very brief, involuntary facial expression made during an intense emotional feeling. Dr. Paul Ekman discovered that facial expressions are actually universal. Even congenitally blind babies have shown these faces since birth.

Let’s test your skills! What does this face mean? [visual]

• Surprised
• Amused
• Curious
• Afraid (Correct answer)

In fear:

• The brows are raised and drawn together, usually flat.
• The eyes have upper white showing.
• The mouth is open and lips stretched or drawn back.

This expression keeps us safe. Our eyes widen to see more. Our mouth opens to take in oxygen or to scream for help.

What can you do when you spot fear? Reassure your client. Explain more. Calm them down.

Can you spot the fear in this video? [video]

Let’s test your skills! What does this face mean? [visual]

• Disgusted
• Suspicious
• Angry (Correct answer)
• Sad

In anger:

• The brows are lowered and drawn together, vertical lines on the forehead.
• The lips are tense (or yelling position).
• The chin juts forward.
• The eyes are narrow (suspicion).

When you spot anger:

• Avoid offensive or defensive.
• Find the source.
• Highlight cooperation.
• “We want what you want.”

Happiness is:

• Crow’s feet at the eyes
• Cheeks raised
• Lips drawn up and back (showing teeth or not)

Real happiness reaches all the way up to the eyes!

Let’s test your skills! What does this face mean? [visual]

• Amused
• Disgusted (Correct answer)
• Upset
• Embarrassed

In disgust:

• The nose is crinkled.
• The lips are pulled up.
• The upper row of teeth is visible.

Let’s see if you can spot the disgust in this video. [video]

If you see disgust you should:

• Identify the problem.
• Identify possible solutions.
• Avoid problem issue.

Let’s test your skills! What does this face mean? [visual]

• Confused
• Contemptuous (Correct answer)
• Sarcastic
• Bored

It’s just a one-sided mouth raise!

Dr. John Gottman studied married couples, looking for patterns. He wanted to know why some couples get divorced and why some couples stay together. He followed these couples for 30 years, looking for patterns. He discovered that when couples had contempt toward each other, it was a great predictor of who would get divorced and who would stay together. He can now predict divorce with 93.6 percent accuracy just by looking for contempt.

Let’s watch again — can you spot the contempt? [video]

What to do when you see contempt:

• Pursue more information.
• Review shared interests.
• Build rapport.

Last, it’s not just what you say; it’s how you say it.

One study had doctors record 10-second voice tone clips. They had to say their name, location and specialty. They then had participants rate these clips on warmth and competence. They found doctors with the lowest ratings had the highest rate of malpractice lawsuits.

The biggest difference between the highest- and lowest-rated doctors was that tone. The doctors who used the lowest end of their natural tone did best.

The second pattern they found was that doctors with the highest ratings did not use the question inflection. They made sure they said their statements instead of asking them.

Here are a few power phone tips for you. Breathe out before you say hello. Keep your vocal cords relaxed when you speak. Record a phone conversation and eradicate the question inflection. Practice delivering hard news, prices and timelines in a low tone without the question inflection.

Let’s go back to our Charisma Scale. Where do you fall?

If you want to be higher in warmth, you should practice more visible hands, social gazing and warm words. If you want to be higher in competence, you should use vocal power, power gazing and competent priming words.

I truly believe human behavior can be unlocked. All you have to know is the science behind how we work.

Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the Science of People — a human-behavior research lab. She is the national bestselling author of “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People,” which was chosen as one of Apple’s most anticipated books of 2017. She has delivered her innovative and high-energy keynotes for a number of Fortune 500 companies and large conferences. She writes a monthly column on the science of success for Entrepreneur magazine and has been featured on CNN, CBS, NPR, the Wall Street Journal and many more. Edwards’ mission is to turn the latest fascinating scientific research into practical strategies for professional success.