Do you want the best question you’ll ever ask anyone ever again in your life? “How did you get started?” Here’s why this question is so powerful. People give you their story, and we connect through stories. We remember stories. We like stories. You find that instant connection, and you say, “Oh, me too.” A leader will convince by asking, “What do you do?” The leader will connect by asking, “How did you get started?” Use this moving forward, and you’ll instantly connect with everyone whom you are talking to.

So what is one of the very first things we can do to connect with more people? What I have found that differentiates a leader from the leader when it comes to connection is a leader will manage people, and the leader will motivate people. Very big difference. Nobody wants to be managed anymore. They want to feel motivated. But I want to be clear because sometimes I say the word “motivation,” and I think people get the wrong idea. They come into the office and say, “Hey, everybody, we can do it.” That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking you to be the real definition of “motivation,” which means “moving someone to action.” It does not mean getting someone to pay attention. And therein lies the difference between the managerial mindset and a motivator mindset. When connecting with people, managers are awesome at getting a room full of people together to get them to pay attention to them. Motivators are really good at getting a room full of people to take action on something.

One of the very first things we can do is be better storytellers. Some people go, “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that before.” Or some people go, “Oh, I’m not a good storyteller.” That might be true, but all I do is share stories around what I call the three F’s of storytelling: fears, family and failures. Now, why would we want to share stories around fear, family or failures? Well, because no matter who they are, every single person in the world has these three things in common. So with our connection, we instantly build relatability with everyone that we are communicating with. And what do we want from the people we are doing business with? We want to be able to relate to them right now. You may never again tell a story that does not add value. Know what the value is that you are adding. Value is something they can use. Who is the person we want to stay connected to? The person we relate to the most, the person who adds value the most.

On my phone, I use a note-taking app called Evernote. Here’s what I recommend: Start a folder on your phone called your storybank, and anytime you remember a fear, family or failure story, add it into your storybank. Here’s my challenge: Develop one story every month. That’s all I do. I go to my storybank at the beginning of the month, I pick the story, and I see what the value is. When we develop a story every month, we have 12 amazing stories to share. This is a game changer. Now they always have something new to hear from you. Who is the most valuable, relatable, refreshing person in the room? The person who is the most connected. Some people believe storytelling is some natural ability. It’s not; it’s a strategy most of us leaders take on, and we get better at.

This next strategy I came up with was studying high-performing athletes, who all do something that we could do to connect better with ourselves, and I call them the three C’s: champions, coaches and cheerleaders. What’s the difference between them?

Champions are doers. They are the ones who give you the strategies because they’ve already been where you want to go. Coaches are the ones who hold you accountable to those strategies. A lot of people confuse the coach and the champion role, or they combine them. Wrong. Coaches don’t teach you anything. They hold you accountable to what they’ve learned from somebody else. And cheerleaders are the ones who remind you why you should act on that strategy. They are the reminders. So, champions give the strategy, coaches hold you to the strategy, and cheerleaders remind you of the strategy.

There are a few questions I want you to think about when you are going out and connecting with yourselves and other people. The first question is, Do you have all three C’s on your team? Do you have the champion supporting you? The coach supporting you? The cheerleader supporting you? All three are equally important. The second question is, What C are you? Are you the champion, are you the coach or are you the cheerleader? Can you relate to all three of them? Maybe, but there might be one that you relate to more. You are the champion. Most likely you love to teach. You love to share, but it drives you nuts, holding people accountable. If you are the coach, you love holding people accountable. You love lists. Or you are the cheerleader. You love emotional intelligence and really getting down to people, and you remember their kids’ names.

The virtual world started two years ago. There were meetings, meetings and meetings. No breaks. So, what we developed at our company is what we call the “four questions,” used to connect during any meeting. The first question is “Why am I having this meeting?” I know that sounds crazy, but there are some people who have a meeting to talk about having a meeting. Don’t waste people’s time. The second question is “What is the one outcome I want when I’m done talking?” I’m talking about your mindset. Managers are really good at sharing all that they want to share with you because it makes the manager feel good that they got it out. The third question is “What are my FQs of the meeting? What are my stories? And what are my strategies and questions?” People will bring something up in the meeting that has nothing to do with what you are trying to accomplish. If it doesn’t help you accomplish that one thing, save it for another time, and ask them in a different setting. And then the fourth question is “How much time do we need?” Why this one is important is because we always end early. People remember what they see first and what they feel last. When we end early, we give people two subliminal feelings: First, they feel happy. The meeting is done, they look at their watch, and they’re like, Whoa, that’s cool. Second, you have given them the most precious thing back: time. Now they feel more productive because when they leave your meeting, they can make another phone call, send another email or go pick up their kids.

Whom do you connect with the most? The person who is the most relatable, valuable, refreshing person who makes other people feel happy and productive. Whose meetings are they going to prioritize over anyone else’s? Yours. Whose meetings are they going to be excited about? Yours. Ask those four questions.

My parents never told me no. What I mean by that is, anytime I wanted something they would never say, “No, you can’t do that” or “No, you can’t have that.” They would always respond with “How are you going to get it?” They taught me entrepreneurial skills at a very young age, and I’m forever grateful for that. My parents gave me my definition of “entrepreneurship,” and it’s that entrepreneurs are people who take action on their ideas. That will make you the person that you are.